A Little Late for Valentine’s Day, But…

Whatever happens, know that Ayn Rand will always love you.
  
  

Or rather she would, if the concept of love was not a commie conspiracy.  She might be willing to bone you though.  Maybe, if you are not a moocher.  

You promise you’re not a moocher or looter don’t you?


Another Rejected Submission

Once again, I have the sad duty of rejecting a submission from what I am told is a sexy lady with a hotmail account.

While I am sure Ms. Rand would surely have approved your devil may care attitude towards the opinions of others and your willingness to claim your sexiness for yourself, I regret to inform you that Ms. Rand was not in fact a “little asian girl,” though she totally could have been if she set her mind to it.

Don’t be discouraged by the thoroughness of our peer review system though.  Maybe next time.



Respecting the Rights of Others

"To violate man’s rights means to compel him to act against his own judgment, or to expropriate his values. Basically, there is only one way to do it: by the use of physical force."

—Ayn Rand

Which is why mind control is totally OK.  

Ms. Rand really dodged a bullet there when she discovered Optimal Producer Level 11.


OP 17

All you get upon reaching Optimal Producer Level 17 is the ability to grow extra toes.  Or thumbs.

You can grow them anywhere you like though.  So there’s that.


More on Toes*

Ms. Rand had seven toes on one foot.  

To be fair, one of them was a thumb, in case you make that sort of distinction.

Also, to be fair, she was not born with seven toes (or six toes and one thumb) on one foot.  That would be crazy.  Rather, she put her rational self interest and desire to have seven toes above her body’s amoral interest in not having seven toes (or six toes and one thumb, if you prefer).

After all, as with anything else, the only way to respect your body is to put your own interests above it.

And thus was Optimal Producer Level 17 discovered.

 

*see also 1 2 3 4


Excommunication for the Young Mistress

As part of Nathan Blumenthal and his young mistress’s excommunication, it was also decreed that Patrica Scott could only be referred to as “Mr. Blumenthal’s young mistress.”  Any Objectivist known to have referred to her in any other manner, even after Blumenthal and his young mistress’s marriage in 1969, is subject to latrine duty aboard the Rail Org.


Excommunication

Ms. Rand’s denouncement of Mr. Blumenthal in 1968 earned him much more than just Rand’s ire, as it meant excommunication from Objectivism for Mr. Blumenthal and his young mistress.

Mr. Blumenthal’s Optimal Producer levels were stripped of him* and his id badge allowing access to the Rail Org was revoked.

Neither Mr. Blumenthal nor his young mistress was allowed to attend Ms. Rand’s fancy soirees, dinner parties, or coming out events; as well as Objectivist Society leadership retreats and seances,

Anybody known to have sat down to a meal with Mr. Blumenthal, or his young mistress, received a stern wag of the head from any good Objectivist.  And was forced to wear a blind-fold for three days in penance.

  

   

*It is still unclear whether the stripping of his OP levels actually affected the numerous super powers Mr. Blumenthal commanded as a high level Optimal Producer.  Since the excommunication Mr. Blumenthal has never been witnessed levitating, or performing the Glowing Orb juggling routine he was so renowned for, but there are rumors that Mr. Blumenthal is still in the habit of walking three feet behind his own body.


…Or Is It?

Unfortunately for Mr. Blumenthal, who went on to a successful psychotherapy career and survives to this day, the physical aspect of his relationship with Ms. Rand has not ended.  Or rather it will pick back up again soon when Ms. Rand rips him from the time stream, ecstatic that now he (being in his eighties) is older than her (since the time-knapping, for her, takes place shortly after her faked death at the age of 77), so now he has no excuses.  

Mr. Blumenthal’s screams can still be heard echoing from the “BLANK box" whenever someone enters or exits the car.

Time travel is tricky.


In Your Eyes

On February 16, 1967, Ms. Rand stood outside Mr. Blumenthal’s apartment blaring Rush’s 2112 from a boom box held over her head.

Seeing as how the boom box had not been invented yet, and Rush’s concept album would not be released until 1976, it was very confusing.  

Despite her best efforts, the confusion was not lessened when, the next day at an organizational meeting for an Objectivist Society Canned Food Drive*, Ms. Rand tried to explain to Mr. Blumenthal how the song’s sci-fi plot was a metaphor for their relationship.  In addition to being an accurate oral history of the future and the eventual Objectivist overthrow of society.

After everybody left the meeting, Ms. Rand continued to sit at the card table set up in her parlor and whisper “my life blood spills over” to herself.  
 

  

*only spoiled cans were allowed.  F—- those moochers.


Frustration

Ms. Rand attempted to bring the spark back into her relationship with Mr. Blumenthal in 1964. 

When he rebuffed her advances at an Objectivist Society Debate Club meeting, she waggled an eyebrow and suggested, “fine, then lets get the team back together," in an effort to ease Blumenthal back into things.

Mr. Blumenthal looked away, noticed the way Alan Greenspan (one of many other guests at this particular party) perked up, and quickly muttered, “um, no thanks.  I’m not in the mood.” 

(At this Mr. Blumenthal’s wife, who was also at this party, rolled her eyes, no doubt thinking of the recent revelation of Mr. Blumenthal’s burgeoning tryst with his young mistress.  But seeing as how Mrs. Blumenthal had recently obtained her husband’s signature on a permission slip allowing her own extramarital affair, she kept her mouth shut.)

"Don’t worry, you can still put your own rational self interests above mine," Ms. Rand said as she reached for his inner thigh.

Mr. Blumenthal stared at his spot on the wall.

When pressed on the reason for his coldness, Blumenthal denied that he was having an affair.  Or that it was because Ms. Rand was old and gross. 

It was totally one of those.